Blessings

It was a great evening at the beach yesterday...

I actually saw fish jump out of the water in the shallows as the tide came in.

I ran the beach until I came upon turtle nests I could not cross, and the tide would not let me pass without swimming.

Going back tonight for a bit...

It is cool enough to run in the evening without getting hot. And the water is still very warm. It will be a great fall in North Carolina... my favorite season, and I love it all over this fine state!

Full Moon Rising

Since I get sunsick, I prefer the beach at night.

The Island Life

So I made it to the beach... but Mapquest sucks bigtime. My driving directions from home to Swan Quarter were perfect turn-by-turn directions to Cedar Island. Unfortunately I didn't realize this until I saw my first NC Ferry System sign, for Cedar Island... and as I was about 150 miles away from Swan Quarter there was no way I would make the 4pm ferry. Luckily for me Cedar Island had a 6pm ferry and I got on that.

So I got in late my first night, but I got in nonetheless. Then I went to the little camper I am staying in, which seemed cozy enough, until I awoke at 1:00am from Invasion of the Cockroaches. After almost vomiting, crying, and having a general panic attack... I called my wife who gave me some good advice- I grabbed my pillow and ran to the car. There in 98 degree heat, I slept restlessly as the feral cats of the Ocracoke jumped onto and off of my car throughout the night.

The next day I set off a roach bomb and released and entire can of roach killer into various cracks and crevices around the floors, ceiling, etc. At lunch I came back from work to find many bugs in their death throw. I swept up and set off another bomb. After work I opened up all the windows and went and slept at a friends place for the night.... The next day I went back to the camper and washed the floors, the counters, all my linens, etc. and settled in for the night. I am happy to say the only intruders last night were the 'no-see-ems' -- little tiny invisible biting bugs which were happy to invade the camper while I was airing it out. But this was really not too bad, and I think they probably died during the day today,as I closed it all up and turned the AC off. So unless they can survive 100+ degrees for hours on end with nothing to feed on, they should be dead.

Work is good, the beach is beautiful. I prefer the mountains for vacation and the comforts of home, but beggars can't be choosey.

Change is the only constant

So I am going to the beach next week to work. Seems like the only jobs available to me these days are folding T-shirts and helping tourists spend money on them. This is OK though. What is not terribly OK to me is that this job will pay more than the lab tech job I was offered. What is wrong with the world?

I will be at the beach until at least October 9th... hopefully by the fall some interviews will start happening for the science or sales jobs of my dreams... note to the Universe: my dreams include a fat paycheck.

I am simultaneously excited and sad about going to the beach. The thought of being away from my wife, my dogs, my home, my friends, my family,.... I don't like it. At the same time, the thought of being away from my wife, my dogs, my home, my friends, my family.... I like it. Ugh. I think this is a sure sign I need some time to myself. Maybe I will be able to break free of my Panda Stage while I am there. I will have to, since I will be working. What is the Panda Stage? My current apparent need for 10-13 hours of sleep, after which my waking hours are spent eating. Not bamboo mind you, but I am seriously such a pig lately that I probably could eat bamboo and enjoy it.

I worked out last week. Whoo-hoo. It was a damn week ago! At the time I seemed motivated to keep it up.... The weirdest thing is I don't feel particularly sad or depressed. I am just so fucking tired. How long does it take to make up a sleep debt? http://www.sleepquest.com/d_column_archive6.html

According to this guy, it is just like a financial debt, and it isn't gone until it is all repaid. That being said, I was in school for 5.5 years. For the last 4 years, I got less anywhere from 5 to 7 hours of sleep on average, and for several months at a time (at least two, 3 month stretches) I got about 4 hours a night on average. I would say that I need 8.5 hours of sleep to feel good. So for 42 months, I got on average let's say 6 hours of sleep, a shortfall of 2.5 hours. And for 6 months I got about 4 hours of sleep, a shortfall of 4.5 hours. So I have 1260 days x 2.5 hours, plus 180 days x 4 hours. That is 3150 + 810= 4680 hours of debt. If I could just sleep it all through, it would be about 195 days of constant sleep. But let's say I am going to keep up the Panda stage of at least 12 hours of sleep a night, which I have been doing pretty regularly since July 15th., or about a month. 4680/12= 390- 30= 360.

So I have just about a year left of getting 12 hours of sleep EVERY NIGHT, until I feel normal again. Jesus, that is sad. No wonder most people would rather blame chronic fatigue, or Lyme Disease, or anything else they might be able to treat with drugs. Me? I think I will put some of the blame on the Bad Ozone Days. I have had to hit my inhaler more than I care too during these weeks of heat and haze. The really scary part is that I wasn't doing anything strenuous... and yet I was wheezy and coughing. Again I ask, what is wrong with the world?

Hopefully I will breathe easier here:

Looks like I will need to be in bed by 7-8pm everynight. Yipes!

Check this out

Things I almost became...

Blahs

NY was pretty good. The wedding was beautiful. I like my new niece... she seems perfect for my nephew. Got to visit with friends in Brooklyn, go to the Central Park Zoo, hang with family. Unfortunately my family is still crazy. It is too difficult sometimes to coordinate my family; fights ensued over time-management or lack thereof, over passive-aggressive bullshit.

I enjoyed the visit yet am weary. And I still don't have a job so I feel like a big loser. Off to cut the lawn, I need to do something to make myself useful.