Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Sunday Mornings
I love Sundays. I like them even more when Monday is a holiday, but overall I think they are one of the best days of the week. Today should be extra special...brunch and social time with my gay husband. It's beautiful outside today, and life is good.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Random Things
I don't write that often anymore. Lately I am more content to read or play outside. But today I am sitting outside and writing. While this is in part to avoid doing things I need to do like cut the lawn, I have had a lot of random things on my mind lately too and felt like writing them down.
1) My house is completely haunted. Most everyone who knows me knows this is true, but Wednesday evening I came home to see a new ghost I hadn't seen before. Well, actually I think it was a spirit, or an angel or something- I am not terribly good at telling the difference, but this thing could fly. I thought it was a ghost because it most definitely seemed like a woman in a grey-blue satin dress. I opened the front door and saw her clear as day to my right, but I seemed to startle her and she suddenly and with great speed flew across the mantle place, past my face (coming so close to me I ducked), and into the coat closet where she disappeared. I just stood there in a stunned silence for several minutes, looking around. The house was warm, it felt welcoming, there was no feeling of ill will. As I realized this, I decided there was no reason to panic, and just walked on into the kitchen to bring the dogs up from the basement. Usually they have free reign of the house, but lately I have been asking my wife to put them downstairs to reduce the dirt they track in from playing outside. Anyway, they were very anxious to come upstairs, and ran around the living room as if they were looking for someone they had known was there. They seemed happy about it- not stressed out or fearful- so again I figured there was nothing to worry about.
And in general, I would say there isn't. Whether it is this new ghost, or the mowing man, or the old lady, and even the hateful old man... most of them are realtively harmless. The hateful old man can be a pain in the ass, but this is not The Haunting in Connecticuit. Nonetheless, I feel like there is something they are trying to say, and wonder why they visit so often. And I have come to think that my house is most definitely positioned in a place that is spiritually/energetically/cosmically different- there are cracks if you will- that let in noises, light, and other 'people' from time to time. It is a bit like my house is sitting on platform 9 3/4, and I never know who might pop in.
2) I recently read an abstract on a direct effect of prolactin on osteoblasts published by a lab in Thailand . I followed this lab intently when I was in graduate school as they were one of the few that were doing prolactin and bone work. They used to work almost exclusively with pregnant rat models looking at bone loss in the mother so it wasn't exactly what we were doing in our lab, but they were interesting papers nonetheless. I begged my advisor to talk to them or let me talk to them b/c I figured they probably had done some cell culture work... I couldn't imagine that they weren't trying to look at cellular level work at all. I figured they had the animals, the cells were easy enough to isolate- my guess was they just were not publishing anything. And that was my point- that if they had tried it with as much futility as we had- it would be support for my growing arguement that we were using the WRONG cell model.
But, my advisor refused, and told me to ignore their papers b/c the prolactin levels during pregnancy were a 'completely different question'. When I pushed it telling her I firmly believed we had the wrong cell model and should switch to MC3T3-E1 osteoblasts or another murine line, or human osteosarcoma cell lines, she accused me of being methods driven. When I again told her that no one had been able to show the PRLR on rat calvarial osteoblasts, just murine calvaria, human and rat osteosarcoma cells, and in situ detection in rat tibia and other long bones, she said 'that it not true'. "Show me the literature then", I screamed in a particularly heated weekly meeting behind closed doors in her office alone (always on her terms)... to which she retorted "I did- I found it in Kansas."
"We're not in Kanasas anymore Dorothy" I yelled. It was the beginning of the end. It could never replicate her results from the Kansas lab. I wasn't the only one who couldn't. It didn't matter if it was me or two other lab techs. Not her original primer set or any of the 6 other pairs we tried could show PRLR in that cell model. Even weirder, we couldn't show it in marrow osteoblasts either, which we should have been able to. Low expression could be part of it... let's move to real-time PCR I asked (methods driven she told me).
Instead of walking away that very day when I realized she was too weird to even ask another lab for help... I really lost myself in her craziness. In time I became the lousy student she accused me of being, completely demoralized and convinced I was the stupid one. And no one, not the Director of Graduate Students, not anyone on my committee, would intervene. I did exactly what I vowed back in high school I would NEVER do, to paraphrase the words of the great Mark Twain: I let my schooling interfere with my education.
Many times I miss the lab. I miss the research question I was so deeply interested in and was forced to abandon b/c my advisor refused to change cell models. I wonder sometimes if Dr. The Only One Worth Studying With was right and I should have gone to Wake Forest and "shown that bitch how wrong she is". But just as often as I wonder that, I think the education was exactly what it was supposed to be. Did it change me for the better? Yes, it did. Did it give me skills that I use today? Yes, it did. Did it give me an understanding of crazy people in the workplace and how to avoid getting caught up in their bullshit? Without a doubt- and this is a good skill to have, because although she was by far the most insane person I have ever encountered in a professional setting, these whack jobs are everywhere. Did I meet people along the way that are a critical part of my life now? Yes, I did. Did the challenge of those years make my personal relationships stronger? Yes, all but one, and that one was apparently a mirage anyway. Sometimes the outcome is not at all what you were expecting.
3) So now, my professional life has nothing to do with cell cultures and gene expression. But it is evolving into a more scientific position than I ever imagined. Next week begins the first of two weeks of intensive Global Food Safety and Quality Assurance trainings. My work is becoming a nice mix of product development, packaging & design, food policy, and food science that I am glad my employer is putting me through. Again, I am not at all sure of what the outcome will be, but I am definitely going to enjoy the ride.
4) I love my life, I love my family, I love my wife, I love my friends. I live in one of the most beautiful places in the US, and I am gainfully employed. What more could you ask for in this world?
I've posted this before, but I just love it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MDlMdu2gjw&feature=related
1) My house is completely haunted. Most everyone who knows me knows this is true, but Wednesday evening I came home to see a new ghost I hadn't seen before. Well, actually I think it was a spirit, or an angel or something- I am not terribly good at telling the difference, but this thing could fly. I thought it was a ghost because it most definitely seemed like a woman in a grey-blue satin dress. I opened the front door and saw her clear as day to my right, but I seemed to startle her and she suddenly and with great speed flew across the mantle place, past my face (coming so close to me I ducked), and into the coat closet where she disappeared. I just stood there in a stunned silence for several minutes, looking around. The house was warm, it felt welcoming, there was no feeling of ill will. As I realized this, I decided there was no reason to panic, and just walked on into the kitchen to bring the dogs up from the basement. Usually they have free reign of the house, but lately I have been asking my wife to put them downstairs to reduce the dirt they track in from playing outside. Anyway, they were very anxious to come upstairs, and ran around the living room as if they were looking for someone they had known was there. They seemed happy about it- not stressed out or fearful- so again I figured there was nothing to worry about.
And in general, I would say there isn't. Whether it is this new ghost, or the mowing man, or the old lady, and even the hateful old man... most of them are realtively harmless. The hateful old man can be a pain in the ass, but this is not The Haunting in Connecticuit. Nonetheless, I feel like there is something they are trying to say, and wonder why they visit so often. And I have come to think that my house is most definitely positioned in a place that is spiritually/energetically/cosmically different- there are cracks if you will- that let in noises, light, and other 'people' from time to time. It is a bit like my house is sitting on platform 9 3/4, and I never know who might pop in.
2) I recently read an abstract on a direct effect of prolactin on osteoblasts published by a lab in Thailand . I followed this lab intently when I was in graduate school as they were one of the few that were doing prolactin and bone work. They used to work almost exclusively with pregnant rat models looking at bone loss in the mother so it wasn't exactly what we were doing in our lab, but they were interesting papers nonetheless. I begged my advisor to talk to them or let me talk to them b/c I figured they probably had done some cell culture work... I couldn't imagine that they weren't trying to look at cellular level work at all. I figured they had the animals, the cells were easy enough to isolate- my guess was they just were not publishing anything. And that was my point- that if they had tried it with as much futility as we had- it would be support for my growing arguement that we were using the WRONG cell model.
But, my advisor refused, and told me to ignore their papers b/c the prolactin levels during pregnancy were a 'completely different question'. When I pushed it telling her I firmly believed we had the wrong cell model and should switch to MC3T3-E1 osteoblasts or another murine line, or human osteosarcoma cell lines, she accused me of being methods driven. When I again told her that no one had been able to show the PRLR on rat calvarial osteoblasts, just murine calvaria, human and rat osteosarcoma cells, and in situ detection in rat tibia and other long bones, she said 'that it not true'. "Show me the literature then", I screamed in a particularly heated weekly meeting behind closed doors in her office alone (always on her terms)... to which she retorted "I did- I found it in Kansas."
"We're not in Kanasas anymore Dorothy" I yelled. It was the beginning of the end. It could never replicate her results from the Kansas lab. I wasn't the only one who couldn't. It didn't matter if it was me or two other lab techs. Not her original primer set or any of the 6 other pairs we tried could show PRLR in that cell model. Even weirder, we couldn't show it in marrow osteoblasts either, which we should have been able to. Low expression could be part of it... let's move to real-time PCR I asked (methods driven she told me).
Instead of walking away that very day when I realized she was too weird to even ask another lab for help... I really lost myself in her craziness. In time I became the lousy student she accused me of being, completely demoralized and convinced I was the stupid one. And no one, not the Director of Graduate Students, not anyone on my committee, would intervene. I did exactly what I vowed back in high school I would NEVER do, to paraphrase the words of the great Mark Twain: I let my schooling interfere with my education.
Many times I miss the lab. I miss the research question I was so deeply interested in and was forced to abandon b/c my advisor refused to change cell models. I wonder sometimes if Dr. The Only One Worth Studying With was right and I should have gone to Wake Forest and "shown that bitch how wrong she is". But just as often as I wonder that, I think the education was exactly what it was supposed to be. Did it change me for the better? Yes, it did. Did it give me skills that I use today? Yes, it did. Did it give me an understanding of crazy people in the workplace and how to avoid getting caught up in their bullshit? Without a doubt- and this is a good skill to have, because although she was by far the most insane person I have ever encountered in a professional setting, these whack jobs are everywhere. Did I meet people along the way that are a critical part of my life now? Yes, I did. Did the challenge of those years make my personal relationships stronger? Yes, all but one, and that one was apparently a mirage anyway. Sometimes the outcome is not at all what you were expecting.
3) So now, my professional life has nothing to do with cell cultures and gene expression. But it is evolving into a more scientific position than I ever imagined. Next week begins the first of two weeks of intensive Global Food Safety and Quality Assurance trainings. My work is becoming a nice mix of product development, packaging & design, food policy, and food science that I am glad my employer is putting me through. Again, I am not at all sure of what the outcome will be, but I am definitely going to enjoy the ride.
4) I love my life, I love my family, I love my wife, I love my friends. I live in one of the most beautiful places in the US, and I am gainfully employed. What more could you ask for in this world?
I've posted this before, but I just love it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MDlMdu2gjw&feature=related
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Time Flies...
when you are having fun. Or so the saying goes. Although it wasn't all fun, 2008 was a good year overall. The toughest was the loss of granny, and then later in the year the stress of pinkslips and the worldwide economic calamity. But we came through the latter completely unscathed - with raises and promotions. So far 2009 looks like it is going to be even better on that front. We miss granny terribly, but I am quite certain she has been looking out for us since she passed on. Next week it will have been a full year... ugh. I know that reality is much more difficult for my sweetest.
I remember that first anniversary of my Mom's passing. It sucked. Now nearly 11 years later, I am finally feeling myself again. Completely life altering losing someone so dear to you... and I try to mindful of the visceral pain of the earlier years of grief that my sweetest and her Mom are going through all over again this week. I try to be mindful of how far away my sweetest seems sometimes knowing where she is, and how asking her to be present really only makes it worse. I remember that circuitous path... It calls so much into question, and that is happening for her now. I feel so much older now... so much wiser. More comfortable in my experiences. Unfortunately I also feel so much fatter... more on that later.
My best bitch from grad school is now officially a doctor. I'm so proud of him and I know his postdoc will be fabulous. We lunched today on fine indian fare... I will miss him more than he knows when he heads north in a few short months. Thankfully, not too far north. Road trip! Road trip! Road trip! Good thing we finally bought a new car...
I remember that first anniversary of my Mom's passing. It sucked. Now nearly 11 years later, I am finally feeling myself again. Completely life altering losing someone so dear to you... and I try to mindful of the visceral pain of the earlier years of grief that my sweetest and her Mom are going through all over again this week. I try to be mindful of how far away my sweetest seems sometimes knowing where she is, and how asking her to be present really only makes it worse. I remember that circuitous path... It calls so much into question, and that is happening for her now. I feel so much older now... so much wiser. More comfortable in my experiences. Unfortunately I also feel so much fatter... more on that later.
My best bitch from grad school is now officially a doctor. I'm so proud of him and I know his postdoc will be fabulous. We lunched today on fine indian fare... I will miss him more than he knows when he heads north in a few short months. Thankfully, not too far north. Road trip! Road trip! Road trip! Good thing we finally bought a new car...
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