Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Time Passing and the Voice of God
It dawned on me the other day while talking to a friend that I rarely post on this here blog anymore. Perhaps that had been a sign of contentment...since most of my previous posts were full of angst. I went through many months of more than contentment, more like total bliss.
But my recent human condition has been one of such real trauma and sadness that I am unable to complain about it. I guess it is the reality of true loss that silences the angst of less scaring issues.
The bluebirds of Thanksgiving in 2010 were posted to mark my partners pregnancy. In August we lost our baby to the unknown devastation of a full-term stillbirth. I lost my Mother, my Father, and now my first born daughter. What more does the Universe want from me?
When I was handed our daughter by the nurse, everything faded away, all light, all sound, all physical space. I was standing there in the dark holding her and was told "This is Angelica" by a voice older than the Earth itself, more calming than I would have ever expected, and oddly more comforting in that moment that I sometimes care to admit to. It is easier to be angry and angst-ridden sometimes.
Perhaps what the Universe wants from me is to stay in that place of faith.
But my recent human condition has been one of such real trauma and sadness that I am unable to complain about it. I guess it is the reality of true loss that silences the angst of less scaring issues.
The bluebirds of Thanksgiving in 2010 were posted to mark my partners pregnancy. In August we lost our baby to the unknown devastation of a full-term stillbirth. I lost my Mother, my Father, and now my first born daughter. What more does the Universe want from me?
When I was handed our daughter by the nurse, everything faded away, all light, all sound, all physical space. I was standing there in the dark holding her and was told "This is Angelica" by a voice older than the Earth itself, more calming than I would have ever expected, and oddly more comforting in that moment that I sometimes care to admit to. It is easier to be angry and angst-ridden sometimes.
Perhaps what the Universe wants from me is to stay in that place of faith.
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