Change is the only constant

So I am going to the beach next week to work. Seems like the only jobs available to me these days are folding T-shirts and helping tourists spend money on them. This is OK though. What is not terribly OK to me is that this job will pay more than the lab tech job I was offered. What is wrong with the world?

I will be at the beach until at least October 9th... hopefully by the fall some interviews will start happening for the science or sales jobs of my dreams... note to the Universe: my dreams include a fat paycheck.

I am simultaneously excited and sad about going to the beach. The thought of being away from my wife, my dogs, my home, my friends, my family,.... I don't like it. At the same time, the thought of being away from my wife, my dogs, my home, my friends, my family.... I like it. Ugh. I think this is a sure sign I need some time to myself. Maybe I will be able to break free of my Panda Stage while I am there. I will have to, since I will be working. What is the Panda Stage? My current apparent need for 10-13 hours of sleep, after which my waking hours are spent eating. Not bamboo mind you, but I am seriously such a pig lately that I probably could eat bamboo and enjoy it.

I worked out last week. Whoo-hoo. It was a damn week ago! At the time I seemed motivated to keep it up.... The weirdest thing is I don't feel particularly sad or depressed. I am just so fucking tired. How long does it take to make up a sleep debt? http://www.sleepquest.com/d_column_archive6.html

According to this guy, it is just like a financial debt, and it isn't gone until it is all repaid. That being said, I was in school for 5.5 years. For the last 4 years, I got less anywhere from 5 to 7 hours of sleep on average, and for several months at a time (at least two, 3 month stretches) I got about 4 hours a night on average. I would say that I need 8.5 hours of sleep to feel good. So for 42 months, I got on average let's say 6 hours of sleep, a shortfall of 2.5 hours. And for 6 months I got about 4 hours of sleep, a shortfall of 4.5 hours. So I have 1260 days x 2.5 hours, plus 180 days x 4 hours. That is 3150 + 810= 4680 hours of debt. If I could just sleep it all through, it would be about 195 days of constant sleep. But let's say I am going to keep up the Panda stage of at least 12 hours of sleep a night, which I have been doing pretty regularly since July 15th., or about a month. 4680/12= 390- 30= 360.

So I have just about a year left of getting 12 hours of sleep EVERY NIGHT, until I feel normal again. Jesus, that is sad. No wonder most people would rather blame chronic fatigue, or Lyme Disease, or anything else they might be able to treat with drugs. Me? I think I will put some of the blame on the Bad Ozone Days. I have had to hit my inhaler more than I care too during these weeks of heat and haze. The really scary part is that I wasn't doing anything strenuous... and yet I was wheezy and coughing. Again I ask, what is wrong with the world?

Hopefully I will breathe easier here:

Looks like I will need to be in bed by 7-8pm everynight. Yipes!